7 years later

It's 2019, And i'm back with another heartbreak story.

I've been through so much these past years. I've grown, I've got a good career, I moved to another country, I've loved but it seems I didn't learn. I didn't find myself, I didn't love myself, I didn't see my worth...

After 7 years, I'm trying to start again. I feel like it's too late. I feel like i've wasted so much time loving the wrong people. I'm tired, I'm depressed and I want to give up on love. I ...

My heart is broken and it aches. I am trying to find the strength to move on. I'm trying...
I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want to love because love hasn't worked out for me all this time and i fear it never will.

I did learn one thing: Feelings are only visitors

I'm trying to live by this lesson. Constantly reminding myself that feelings come and go. So don't get attached.

Get lost, retrace your steps, learn your lessons...

So...while finding myself i go t lost. How? I met a guy. And? Started a relationship in September and relationship ended This month. Yup. Heartbroken again. I wanted to regret ever meeting him but i didn't because people come into our lives for a reason, to teach urs something. In your search for yourself, remember its okay if u get lost along the way but make sure u find the right path and continue your journey.

Lessons learned from last relationship (lasted just two months)
- Never allow anything or anyone lower your self esteem
- Take it slow, don't rush into a relationship without knowing a little about the person
- Like the popular saying goes "follow your heart but take your head with you".

Food is to Body as Fuel is to Car...

So...i recently lost almost 8kg. I was a size 14 and now i'm a size 12 but unfortunately for me, my arms are large in proportion to my body size so a size 12 doesn't fit my arms. My target for 2013 is to be a size 10. I started my weight loss journey by exercising, i didn't lose weight because i wasn't carb conscious then i started the Atkins diet and it made a huge difference, i lost about 4 kg but because i had to travel and stay over at my sister's house, i really couldn't cook what i normally eat so i stopped the Atkins diet but surprisingly i lost even more weight in spite of my inactivity. Now that i have to go back home, i'm getting a tad bit worried that i might add weight again especially after i've bought clothes in size 12. I cannot afford to add even an ounce of fat because my clothes would definitely not fit. Hopefully i'd reach my goal with this simple rule "Food is to Body as Fuel is to Car". In other words, i would eat just enough food to fuel my body for the day's activity. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Prodigal Me...

For the first time in months, i prayed sincerely. It felt good. I've not given God enough credit for the good things that have happened to me. In fact, i've been pushing him away. There's this thing that makes me not to listen to God, or not to have anything to do with him. I can't blame anyone but myself. Being far away from family also contributed cause there's no one really to encourage me and i'm quite secretive when it comes to my personal life. Well, I've decided to reconcile with God, rebuild the relationship i had with Him years ago. Its going to be difficult but with God everything is possible...

Can this be love?....I hope not

So....even though in my first post i said i'm going to give love another shot, i'm thinking now is just too soon. Just got out of a relationship in May. It's barely 4 months and i'm already swooning over this guy, not what i planned for at all. He's always on my mind...always. I'm just hoping this feeling would pass but if it doesn't then i'm open to give him a try. The issue is i'm still not sure if the feelings are mutual? And also the circumstances of our meeting, i'm not quite comfortable with. Wish i had someone to talk to...

Money is earned to be spent...

A few months ago, i would have tagged myself a "thrifty" person but now i realize i was just plain stingy and the worst part of it all is that i was stingy not to others but to myself, who does that? I earn a bit of money and i end up not spending it on myself. I can't tell you where the money goes...hehe. I have learnt that there's absolutely nothing wrong with rewarding yourself after you work hard for your money. Rewarding is what i choose to call it to help me overcome my stinginess. So this summer, I've decided to reward myself by going on a haul spree. I'm guessing a few clothes, a new pair of shoes and new jewelry would help boost my self confidence...cheers

Another shot at...

It might seem like this is my first post on this blog, it actually isn't. I just didn't have the balls to leave the other posts up so i deleted them...shame! Anyway, this blog will serve as my diary, wishlist, to- do list, ranting page and whatever else i want to talk about. Would have loved to introduce myself but that's the purpose of this blog...to find myself. I realized that i really don't know myself, I've spent most of my conscious life having low self esteem, trying to fit in, looking for love and finding them in the wrongest places. Its time to start afresh, so a toast to giving another shot at this blog, love, family, school and life in general...cheers!